Dare We Normalize Rape...

...to the extent that we plan for it?

I am afraid that is precisely what Kansas Representative Pete DeGraaf did when he likened a woman planning for the likelihood of being raped, becoming pregnant and seeking an abortion to...I can hardly say it with a straight face, 'planning' for a flat tire by having a spare on hand or death by having life insurance.

"I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for." - DeGraaf

This sort of comparison is way off the mark and hardly a platform for alleged reason.

The representative is really being called to the table on this one.  The Kansas Chapter of NOW has asked for an apology - I have not been able to find if they or other constituents actually received an apology from DeGraff for his insensitive, trivializing comments.

Mother Jones ran an article featuring a Venn Diagram on Rape v. The Flat Tire and there was a campaign on Facebook to send the representative spare tires to protest his thoughtlessness.

By suggesting that ANYONE, but in this case, women, plan for the possibility of rape, normalizes it and I am not content to normalize this act of violence.  Not now.  Not ever.

Where in the World Do We Start?

It IS indeed that easy.

Start by Believing is a public awareness campaign uniquely focused on the public response to sexual assault, because a friend or family member is typically the first person a victim confides in after a sexual assault. Knowing how to respond is critical - a negative response can worsen the trauma and/or deter the victim from reaching out for help.

Start By Believing will lead the way toward a positive community response, by informing the public, uniting allies and supporters, and improving our reactions. The goal is to change the world for sexual assault victims – one response at a time.

When I saw the first ad from Start by Believing, I was hooked - "My daughter died in a car crash"..."Well that's what she gets for not taking the bus."

I have heard it all in response to a rape victim's trauma - what was she thinking, what was she wearing, who was she with, did she go alone, how much did she drink, did she say no, did she fight back...insert other unfounded judgment statement here on to ad infinitum.

Let me pose a question.  A friend tells us they are out one night and as they are walking to their car, they feel a gun at their back, and a voice from a person they will never identify demands all their money and valuables - do we ask if they said 'no'?  What they were wearing?  If they had a sudden burst of bravado and daring to wrestle the weapon from the stranger?

I love edgy outreach because, quite frankly, we're not talking about feeding hungry children, we're not talking about housing the homeless or asking for neatly wrapped toys to be placed under a Christmas tree in time to brighten a family's holiday - these things are easy to talk about; they tug at our heart, because they should, in a way we recognize and the stories create an urgency that moves us to action.

I want for a world that is moved to action over the bodily invasion of an individual so heinous and invasive that it permeates their psyche, creating more than an emotional or mental memory - but a physical one that lives on in the cells of their flesh.  Our work is fueled by this cause and this hope.

The Start by Believing campaign is a gateway to a new way of receiving and responding to stories of rape - a new way of receiving and responding to those who have been raped.

We are proud supporters and look forward to building momentum around the movement right here in our own community.

The starting is easy...believe.

There.  Step one - check.

In love and hope,
Tina Vaughn, Director of the RRT